A Love Letter to my Brothers.

For those who FEEL...

To the One Who Never Wanted to Be Born,

To the one who never wanted to take form, to the one who has been formed so many times before that they’ve lost all faith in love. To the sons, to the brothers, to the terrified and hurt little boy who lives inside me, and inside every single human being on this planet—this love letter is for you.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for coming. You are such a gift in my life. Thank you for your cries of pain and longing, for your disbelief in what is possible. Thank you for your closed heart, for your deep feelings of unworthiness and separation. Thank you for your anguish, your grief, and your courage. For your failed attempt at perfection. Thank you for walking through my darkest shadows, for traveling into my deepest unconscious places, so that we might bring them into the light and love ourselves more deeply.

You are a courageous little boy, even in the face of all your fear and brilliant attempts to prove your worth. Your cleverness, your striving to be the good boy you think your Father wants you to be—it breaks my heart in the most beautiful way. I can feel the depth of your despair, your yearning to be seen, to be heard, to be loved for exactly who you are. Even your unhappiness with being on Earth, I am grateful for it.

I want you to know, I understand. I know what it feels like to live in the shadow of your Father, to chase his approval for lifetimes. I know what it’s like to feel not enough, to feel unwelcomed in this world. I feel your pain, your cries for love. Your tender, vulnerable heart beats inside mine, filled with utopian dreams and infinite possibilities that are often crushed by the harsh realities of human existence. I want you to know that your feelings of not belonging are real. They are valid.

This deep abandonment wound you carry—the archetype of the fallen angel cast out of heaven, left on Earth to suffer and die—I see it. You have every right to feel abandoned, rejected by Spirit, by God, by your human Father. There is truth to your pain, and I acknowledge it fully. You are right. I see you.

To live in the shadow of your Father, to never feel enough, to feel unprotected, unsafe, unseen, and cast out by God—it is excruciating. And for that, I am sorry. I can do nothing to erase these feelings. There is no magic cure to take away the hurt, the isolation you feel. But what I can do is embrace you. I can hold you, and say that it’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to feel abandoned, to feel like you never wanted to come here.

I love you. I see you. I am you. I am not here to ask you to change or to be anything different than you are. I simply want you to know: You are welcome in my heart. I am honored to walk this path with you. I am happy that you are here.

I also want you to know how necessary you are. Your innocence, your childlike wonder, your courage, your love—these are the things that save me. You are worthy of all the love the world has to offer. You deserve a life filled with beauty, joy, and all the dreams you hold in your heart. Your Father loves you. You are His greatest creation. You are a crucial part of this whole existence. Without the hurt little boy, there would be no Fathers, and without Fathers, there would be no life.

So thank you for coming. Thank you for being here. Let’s have some fun.

P.S. Your Mother loves you too…

Into the bones,
Marianna